Wednesday, May 21, 2008

passport size photographs

As Abhishek looked into the mirror while shaving, the only obvious conclusion he came to was that he shaved absolutely lousily. Either he would leave a part of the beard still on the face or there will be a million cut marks. He decided that either he would try a new razor or simpler still, just stick to getting a shave done at the barber's. Not that he would shave often. Just on special occasions. Today, the shave was for the most obvious reason a person will get a shave done - he had to get a few photographs taken.

"Stop admiring yourself in the mirror; If you stare any longer, your image will sue you for invasion of privacy, that too by someone damn ugly; we need to use the bathroom too, Abhi," shouted Arun, the guy sharing his hostel room with Abhishek. Abhishek got back from his thoughts about his dexterity with the razor, finished his shave, applied Old spice and made his way back to his room.

A quick change of clothes and abhi was ready to go to the studio. Arun suggested to him the city's most beautiful Beauty photo studio, opposite the offices of the khabardar magazine. So off Abhi went on his sojourn. The beauty studio was in a building not so beautiful. The building was in such a state of decrepitude that most people would have thought that it was going to be demolished any time soon. And it had been that way since quite a few years. In fact there is a story going around that the building was built this way to fool people. I.e the building was built shabbily so that people don't find their way by mistake into the building as some nefarious activities were taking place there. Trust Arun with his wicked sense of humour to suggest such a place.

Well Abhi entered the building and immediately realised that this probably wasn't a place where a decent person will be found in. He saw someone dressed rather shabbily and asked him, "What....where is this new beauty studio."

The guy replied "don't worry boss! why are you in so much tension. you can go where you want aaram se. "
" Tell me now. you can see i am not liking this conversation "
" Don't get so angry, baba. everyone who comes here for the first time wants a silly reason. so.."
"What are you saying? just tell me about the studio."
Two or three more people come there. All of them are scary looking.
"we know why your here for. just take this packet. go out smoke it, enjoy and we will tell you everything about the studio. i like you and so won't even charge you for it. umma. go"

"Ha ha ha ha"

At that instant policemen enter the place and the inspector shouts, " our info was right. there is indeed a delivery from a young guy who has a cut on his face. search and arrest them."
Constable sawant, " yes sir, morphine it is."
" Throw them all into the jeep"

Abhishek starts sweating all over, and is almost about to piss in his pants." No sir, sir, sir... I don't know what that is sir. That man just placed it on me sir. I am just a student sir. Came here for photographs sir."

"Haan Haan! as if ill believe you. college kids are the biggest miscreants these days. you'll do drugs, rape women, cause unwanted pregnancies and then dump those children. You'll should be castrated and your father's money given to the poor like me. At least some good will then happen."

"No sir..sir...sir! honest. I am from a poor background. Look at my wallet sir. I have barely enough money for a sandwich. Where will i have money for morphine, sir.!"

At that moment the shabbily clad man says," Bachcha hai saheb. never seen him before. Thought will start him off today. came here searching for a studio."

The constable punched right in that man's face and shouted," speak when you are spoken too. just shut up and stand where you are. As if we need to know what you did. not even sparing kids.

The inspector adds top Abhishek, " whatever it is we have you in possession of drugs and rather suspicious. spend a night in jail, and i think yo should be straightened out. Teach you to venture into such places."

Sorry sir...sir..this is the first time anything like this happened to me sir.. I have been a top ranking student since childhood...i am such a big fattu that till the 8th standard i wouldn't cross the road, unless i held my mother's hands. definitely sir i wouldn't have done such a thing sir.

The constable bursts out laughing, gives Abhishek a light slap, winks at the inspector and shouts at Abhi to get the hell out of that place. He also warns him that if he ever sees his face again he will arrest him.

Abhishek runs in the manner they do as his father had once pointed out, only in Olympic races or from police cases. He goes to this small roadside shop, buys a cigarette, lights it and starts cursing the police. He thinks in his head, " fucking bastards! Always troubling people like me."

" But i really thank them for their inefficiency. thank goodness they thought the delivery was today and not tomorrow as it was supposed to be. Now i better take a photo and send it to Khurana sahab. With the cut on the left side of my face he will understand delivery is in north block.(if the cut had been on the right side, the place of delivery would have been south block.) And then i would have delivered it to Khan bhai. Bless his soul for coming up with that crazy idea of an alibi for a studio. and also for backing up my story. hope they don't hit him too much. With the measly quantity that they have caught him with, we can easily get him out. Anyway this is the last time i have to get into the nitty gritties. i move into the bigger league. they have found a new guy to cut himself for each delivery."

The cigarette butt was reached, Abhishek clobbered it under his foot and having calmed himself down walked coolly into the nearby super photo studio and announced, "8 passport size photographs, please, urgent!"

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

seems like its da modus operandi in a b'wood gangster thriller.
produced n directed by BRAT!!

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Good one dude!!!
If not for the english... This could have truly passed off as an O.Henry story!!!

Roshie said...

i;ll try making a short script on it..... soon enough if ive got the time...

Surrealist said...

dude whats with the weird cut on the face and stuff?hmmm anyway i thought your creative juices flowed only in pro eco or cre classes?why in the summer.save it for the next boring class.