Farewell College - written on last day of theory classes

Today I bid thee farewell

For we may never again meet

After enjoying te beautiful sunshine

Into the sunset we now retreat.

Tomorrow I'll be just a faded memory

For every dusk precedes a new dawn

Many pages would have by then turned

This chapter would have been long gone.

Today i bid thee farewell

For our paths did once meet.

After running together on the highway

we split on the tune of the beating retreat. 

A Rolling Stone

Its such a pain to be pushed around
Not being able to fix your ground

You wish to do one thing,
but are forced to do another.
To resist is an option,
But you know you won't take it ever.

Resistance you know is but futile,
For the thoughts in you head are ephermal and light.
You want to do something today,
But tomorrow that will seem forced anyway

It is such a pain to be pushed around
More so when others have their purposes found!

Cow Swats Mosquito mercilessly

Blue Cross in Dilema

In major developments emanating from Chennai a cow swatted a mosquito to within inches of his life. This mosquito, who was the cow's ex had now become an irritant to her as he was coming in the way of her new love interest, a creature which looks like solidified coca cola with a porcupine head.

The police have decided to arrest the cow and this has put the Blue Cross in huge dilema. By the principles on which the bluw cross was established, it has to protect all animals from human attrocities. But if it was seen as supporting the cow, the powerful mosquito lobby(the main attack weapon of the animals against humans) will be offended and may even choose to support the humans to avenge this.

Operation Naren's Treat Successful

After a week of intense planning and military like execution, the Charity of Blessed Thought announced on saturday the success of its massive fund raising drive called Operation Naren's Treat. A fact known to only a select few till saturday was that the operation's code name amongst the top brass of the charity was operation treat Naren and not naren's treat.

A total of Rs. 1478/- was raised from this drive informed the charity's head Bharat Sridhar. He also added that the major contributors were Miss Raashi S, Miss Nandini M and Miss Ramya N who wished to repay the debt to society they incurred by torturing a poor mosquito and the cow he lusted after. (To the uninitiated, Suhas is often called Kosu)

Another noteworthy contributor was Miss Anuja C who wished to share the joy she got by doing well in her examinations qwith people who were less priviliged.

Bharat S, who also heads the Centre for Boyish Timepass also informed us that he was now getting threats from various quarters and had even considered going underground. But he decided against it as he felt that the people issuing these threats weren't competent enough to do anything to such a benovelent person as himself.

Those who read the above article will also be interested in

1.Mission Nuclear Movement Accomplished
2. Cow swats mosquito mercilessly; Blue Cross in Dilema

5 most boring jobs on earth

First thing first. what is a job. a job is something that you choose to do. Nothing that is forced on you is counted. So something like the chinese water torture won't count.

So here goes the list:

5. Cook at the Anna University canteens: Lets go through a day in the life of a cook at the anna university canteen. Wake up, make sambhar, chutney, pongal, dosa batter and puri dough. Everything so close in taste with the day before's stuff and the day before that and so on, that you will be tempted to give them six sigma. Once this is done, prepare lunch. Same procedure. Make rice, sambhar, rasam, dry vegetable, kootu and churn buttermilk. No change in procedure day in and day out. Only the vegetabble changes. Here also the cook has no change from the mundane. Its the guy who buys vegetable who can have some fun. After this prepare for evening and night canteens. Prepare 'chola puri' batter , make mini idlis, make some weird rice dish, make biryani for the night canteenand then finally hang your boots.(the biryani has a nice story. they prepare chicken biryani. when the pieces get over they sell the same stuff as egg biryani, and when the egg also gets over they sell it as khukha) 365 days a year. No change in anything. They are so used to it that the taste also doesn't change.

4. Read Brat's poetry: Douglas Adams got it wrong. The world's worst poetry isn't written by some in a village in England. Its written by a dude residing in the A.U hostels in Chennai. The only reason why his intestine hasn't choked him yet is that the dude is extra intelligent and may get a nobel prize for saving humanity by some great discovery he makes.

3. Attending Sankaran's classes post lunch: The dude is so boring, in the words of Ashwin or R.S(they are still fighting for the copyright) that if I were him I'd avoid myself. And after lunch if you have attend a double class of his, it is nothing short of violation of human rights. Anyone beyond the 3rd row can't possibly stay awake. Technically people in the first 3 rows also shouldn't be able to stay awake, but those people have somehow managed to gain immunity to boredom. People from the 3rd row to the last but one do weird things to stay awake because tey are scared of the dude. People in the last row, like yours truly, just sleep.

2. Asssume a guy driving a motorbike. Very intelligent chap. So intelligent he thinks he doesn't need such acccessories like helmets. Assume he is driving at over 100kmph and suddenly out of a side street comes a Scorpio. Dude gets a free ticket to fly and lands on hospital bed with fractures or injuries everywhere from jaw to arms to region around gluteus maximus. So stuck on hospital bed. Only thing to see is the ceiling. Can't speak as jaw bandaged. cant move. cant even scratch his butt if some bug goes and irritates. Yeah it is boring and he chose to be there.(this reminds me of a brilliant ad for safe driving. driving at 40kmph may be boring. but a hospital ceiling is even more so!!!)

1. Undoubtedly the most boring job on Earth is that of a Goods train guard. No jokes. These guys are the furthest away from civilization inspite of in many cases being right in the middle of it. All they have to do is be 60 compartment away from the nearest human, sit in a caboose, and show the green flag if any train passes by. and yeah write down the kilometre mark in his log book where that train passed. then sit in your caboose doing nothing except wait for the next train. No one to speak to. Atleast the guy in the hospital can sleep!!

Add to this list. think of the most boring jobs that possibly can be there.

Mission: Nuclear movement, Accomplished

In dramatic developments that began unfolding monday morning, The Centre for Boyish Timepass(CBT, also called the Centre for Bull shiT) informed news agencies that the mission nuclear movement was a phenomenal success. The mission, which was a huge joint effort, combining the talents of people based out of Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore, was the result of careful planning over 2 weeks.

Weak intelligence inputs were being received by CBT for over a month, but on 21st june RAW agent Balram Naidu, sent definite information with agent 740 that there was huge disturbances near Jakkore, Bangalore and that a major catastrophe was in the offing. On receiving the information, Naren Ganpathi, Head of Operations at CBT, based out of chennai, decided to advance the coming of the catastrophe and if possible make it even bigger. So a plan was hatched. The mission was initially called Nuclear Movement into suhas' heart.(for those weak in hindi, nuclear is anu and movement can also be termed as ja) But it seemed a lot like a clue for a cryptic crossword, and invaribly people would think the answer is an anagram of suhas, and then try to figure out who or what hasus or usash or something of that sort was. Not realising that Suhas himself was the person involved. Another name that was thought of was Mission nuclear bomb(nuclear = anu; bomb = gundu = fat; as to what she is). But due to fear of sanctions this name was also rejected. Finally it was agreed that the name mission nuclear movement was good enough.

once the name was decided, Naren Ganpathy ordered agent 740 to return to bangalore and carry out the sensitive mission. she was asked to deliver a Meillandine Rose to the source of nuclear energy on the 30th of june. The date was chosen as it was on this day 20 years ago the reactor went into operation with the first controlled fission reaction. A card with a cryptic message, which implied some sensuality was also to be attached.

This part of the plan was implemented successfully but for one hitch. The sensuality was misinterpreted as brotherly love. But not ones to give up , agent 740 with loads of help from agent 753 began planting doubts into the control system of the nuclear reactor. At around the same time, the head of CBT 05, Brat was also informed that a fake id similar to suhas' had been created and was ready for use(agent 753s brilliant idea). Bringing all his experience into play, he shot of a communication , as though from suhas to a Miss. Anuja. The letter didn't leave much to the imagination, and was frightfully direct. The mission was accomplished.

The catastrophe could have been grander had it not been for interference from the left parties(read heart/courage) of Suhas who threatened to withdraw support from the centre, as they felt joining forces with the liberals would be against their ideology. But, we are informed by sources, that the prime misinster is still very keen that the deal go through, and may even ask CBT to take the deal to the IAWA(international anuja wooing agency?) in the near future.

note: all characters in this report are fictional. any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. this is especially true of the characther brat, who though alive at present, after writing this and the letter may not survive too long.

all things done were done in pure jest, assuming suhas' and anuja's sense of humour. any inconvenience caused is definitely not regretted.

passport size photographs

As Abhishek looked into the mirror while shaving, the only obvious conclusion he came to was that he shaved absolutely lousily. Either he would leave a part of the beard still on the face or there will be a million cut marks. He decided that either he would try a new razor or simpler still, just stick to getting a shave done at the barber's. Not that he would shave often. Just on special occasions. Today, the shave was for the most obvious reason a person will get a shave done - he had to get a few photographs taken.

"Stop admiring yourself in the mirror; If you stare any longer, your image will sue you for invasion of privacy, that too by someone damn ugly; we need to use the bathroom too, Abhi," shouted Arun, the guy sharing his hostel room with Abhishek. Abhishek got back from his thoughts about his dexterity with the razor, finished his shave, applied Old spice and made his way back to his room.

A quick change of clothes and abhi was ready to go to the studio. Arun suggested to him the city's most beautiful Beauty photo studio, opposite the offices of the khabardar magazine. So off Abhi went on his sojourn. The beauty studio was in a building not so beautiful. The building was in such a state of decrepitude that most people would have thought that it was going to be demolished any time soon. And it had been that way since quite a few years. In fact there is a story going around that the building was built this way to fool people. I.e the building was built shabbily so that people don't find their way by mistake into the building as some nefarious activities were taking place there. Trust Arun with his wicked sense of humour to suggest such a place.

Well Abhi entered the building and immediately realised that this probably wasn't a place where a decent person will be found in. He saw someone dressed rather shabbily and asked him, "What....where is this new beauty studio."

The guy replied "don't worry boss! why are you in so much tension. you can go where you want aaram se. "
" Tell me now. you can see i am not liking this conversation "
" Don't get so angry, baba. everyone who comes here for the first time wants a silly reason. so.."
"What are you saying? just tell me about the studio."
Two or three more people come there. All of them are scary looking.
"we know why your here for. just take this packet. go out smoke it, enjoy and we will tell you everything about the studio. i like you and so won't even charge you for it. umma. go"

"Ha ha ha ha"

At that instant policemen enter the place and the inspector shouts, " our info was right. there is indeed a delivery from a young guy who has a cut on his face. search and arrest them."
Constable sawant, " yes sir, morphine it is."
" Throw them all into the jeep"

Abhishek starts sweating all over, and is almost about to piss in his pants." No sir, sir, sir... I don't know what that is sir. That man just placed it on me sir. I am just a student sir. Came here for photographs sir."

"Haan Haan! as if ill believe you. college kids are the biggest miscreants these days. you'll do drugs, rape women, cause unwanted pregnancies and then dump those children. You'll should be castrated and your father's money given to the poor like me. At least some good will then happen."

"No sir..sir...sir! honest. I am from a poor background. Look at my wallet sir. I have barely enough money for a sandwich. Where will i have money for morphine, sir.!"

At that moment the shabbily clad man says," Bachcha hai saheb. never seen him before. Thought will start him off today. came here searching for a studio."

The constable punched right in that man's face and shouted," speak when you are spoken too. just shut up and stand where you are. As if we need to know what you did. not even sparing kids.

The inspector adds top Abhishek, " whatever it is we have you in possession of drugs and rather suspicious. spend a night in jail, and i think yo should be straightened out. Teach you to venture into such places."

Sorry sir...sir..this is the first time anything like this happened to me sir.. I have been a top ranking student since childhood...i am such a big fattu that till the 8th standard i wouldn't cross the road, unless i held my mother's hands. definitely sir i wouldn't have done such a thing sir.

The constable bursts out laughing, gives Abhishek a light slap, winks at the inspector and shouts at Abhi to get the hell out of that place. He also warns him that if he ever sees his face again he will arrest him.

Abhishek runs in the manner they do as his father had once pointed out, only in Olympic races or from police cases. He goes to this small roadside shop, buys a cigarette, lights it and starts cursing the police. He thinks in his head, " fucking bastards! Always troubling people like me."

" But i really thank them for their inefficiency. thank goodness they thought the delivery was today and not tomorrow as it was supposed to be. Now i better take a photo and send it to Khurana sahab. With the cut on the left side of my face he will understand delivery is in north block.(if the cut had been on the right side, the place of delivery would have been south block.) And then i would have delivered it to Khan bhai. Bless his soul for coming up with that crazy idea of an alibi for a studio. and also for backing up my story. hope they don't hit him too much. With the measly quantity that they have caught him with, we can easily get him out. Anyway this is the last time i have to get into the nitty gritties. i move into the bigger league. they have found a new guy to cut himself for each delivery."

The cigarette butt was reached, Abhishek clobbered it under his foot and having calmed himself down walked coolly into the nearby super photo studio and announced, "8 passport size photographs, please, urgent!"

the couplet that almost got me into trouble

we have a class by sankaran in the afternoon, and after a heavy lunch, by god, it is an obvious invite to sleep... and one of the classes, sleep i did, that too for a whole hour(it was a double class)... when i got up just to stay awake, wrote a couple of poems... one plainly was to insult him, but sadly that went into dustbin after class, and i dont have it stored... this was the second one... hopefully i get to see someone like the poem describes

if i were to say that you look as beautiful as the moon
you know that it would be completely untrue
the truth is the radiance of the moon disappears into the dark
the moment it takes a look at you

well how it got me into trouble was like this... after writing the poems i would pass it to a friend sitting nearby... while passing the 1st poem itself sankaran gave me a real bad look... but i won't learn will i... after writing this i pass this poem also to her(my friend, who though undoubtedly beautiful, doesn't ewactly fit the charectheristics described in the poem, befor u let your imagination run wild), and this time again sankaran saw me and started on a long lecture of ethics in class... thank god he didnt come and see the poems... else serious trouble...

Monoclonal Antibodies - An Impression

The following was submitted by me as part of my animal biotechnology assignment - Have a laugh. click on the images to see a bigger image from which you can read.


And for those who really want to now HAT medium stands for Hypoxanthine, Aminopterin, Thymidine medium



1. People who won the nobel for this discovery
2. an anagram of the name of the guy who should have actually won the nobel
3. a refernce to asterix

for the love of aamras

There are a few things, which as they touch your tastebuds send signals to your brain directing it to change the Na+, K+ ratio in the neurons in such a manner that every organ in the body is taken to a different planet- a planet of pure enjoyment, where nothing else except you happiness exists, a planet of unbridled pleasure, a planet called bliss. And for me, something which does that best is - Aamras.

Aamras - that super sweel slightly bitter concoction - made to perfection by cooks at any gujrathi thali restaurant(thaker's bhojanalay highly recommended) gives me a bigger high, than what i am sure any drug can - that too without paying the price of dysphoria or dependenence at a later period of time. In fact they should give addicts a taste of aamras and they I am sure will give up morphine et al in a period of time shorter than they will take to say myu receptor.

Last time i went to Thaker's had 4 large kathoris of Aamras with space for more. But felt people would watch me in a queer manner if I take even a sip more, and so didnt ask for the 5th.

But, one thing has always suprised me. In spite of having the same Alphonso mangoes at home, that same kick can never be replicated - even by my mother, who i am sure if given the reciepe will make any other dish the cook made, atleast a tad better. But for aamras - thaker's(or any good gujju thali joint)- touch is a must.

Alphonso mangoes on their own can produce a similiar effect but aamras is concentrated liquid joy - and it betters the feeling its source provides.

For the love of aamras, i may possibly drink it, even if someone tells me its laced with poison. I guess addicts consume their masters, for the same love, being fully aware in many cases, that the substance of their desire is laced with death!

prisoners of time

a lifetime is spent in preparation,
putting on hold things you wish to do,
but once your life is done and dusted,
will you pine for the little things
that were lost in life's mire by you.

if i were to pause my preparation
to stop and smell the roses by the lanes,
or to write a book of my poetry,
life's bus will pass by me
leaving me high and hungry
with a sweet rose that has dried away.